Language jokes

April 4, 2014 at 8:43 am
laughing
Image: EALASAID

 

Q: How do you comfort a grammar nazi?
A: There, Their, They’re
 

A pregnant woman went into labour and began to yell, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
She was having contractions.
 

Q: What is Grammar?
A: The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.
 

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
 

A noun meets a verb at a bar. The verb sidles up to the noun and says, “Heeeeyyy, wanna go back to my place and conjugate?”  The noun replies, “I decline.”

 

A group of homophones wok inn two a bar.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, to WHOM.

 

“I’ve just had the most awful time,” said a boy to his friends. “First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.”
“Wow! How did you pull through?” sympathized his friends.
“I don’t know,” the boy replied. “Toughest spelling test I ever had.”

 

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